Dads’ Mental Health Is More Important Than You Realize

 

 

“I had no idea what was coming but I knew it would be intense.”[1]

 

You’re a dad now. This is amazing news.

If you’re feeling anything other than 100% over-the-moon, you are completely normal. Let’s make sure you get what you need.

 

 

What not to expect when you’re expecting

Cue a montage: a woman tearfully shows her partner a positive pregnancy test; they embrace and cry; a man paints a nursery and wrangles a crib; a very pregnant woman screams from a hospital bed; a baby is born, and the happy family grows and thrives together until they have a teenager and that teenager later moves into their college dorm.

This cinematic shorthand may be all that some dads know about fatherhood when it’s their turn. This discussion will paint a fuller picture.

 

What often changes

Learning of a pregnancy and having a child change everything. First-time fathers enter the world of parents with the ambiguous news that they will be a father. (Many women feel themselves become mothers on the day that they learn of a pregnancy.) How should men navigate this amorphous time? And what does fatherhood mean to a generation that is generally very involved in childrearing?

Researchers have just begun to describe the process of becoming a father as patrescence[2]. We’re learning that fathers experience various biological and psychological changes in response to their new role[3]. It makes sense; the pregnancy and postpartum (the first year after birth) periods are amazing and challenging. It doesn’t matter who you are—financial advisor, athlete, teacher, creative, or veteran—any man can struggle with this adjustment. For some, it can feel like they’re alone in this experience.

But let’s do a gut check. Becoming a first-time parent, or a second or third-time parent, can impact your:

-identity

-romantic relationship

-body

-mood

-energy

-thoughts

-relationships

-priorities

-time

-activities

-finances

-spirituality

-and mental health

 

So, fatherhood can touch all parts of your life. You are, however, still yourself, despite what you may have gleaned from the common practice by pediatric medical personnel of addressing parents by their role in place of their name (“Okay, Dad, let’s get your baby on the scale.”).

On the relationship side, studies suggest a drop in relationship confidence and an increase in relationship problems after a couple has a child[4]. The good news is that these changes aren’t universal. Notably, though, fathers are more likely to say that these problems escalate and continue in the years after they have a child.

Many couples go through changes in their sexual relationship, beginning in pregnancy.[5] Some stem from fathers’ worries about damaging the fetus during intercourse. For others, depression can impact sexual function, or difficulty with sexual function can contribute to depression. Conversely, ongoing sexual contact fosters an intimate and healthy relationship.

And when a couple’s relationship is going better, their individual wellbeing tends to be higher, and vice versa. In hetero pairings, many men rely on their wife as their primary support, leading to some very lonely fathers when their wives are suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety. Sam Graham-Felsen’s moving essay, “Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?”urges men to go connect with other men.[6] If this sounds selfish, remember that the whole family benefits from each member’s wellbeing.

 

Barriers to getting support

            Despite fathers’ struggles during this period, they are less likely to seek help than their female partners. There are many reasons for this, including dads’ seeing the mom and baby as priority, stigma associated with seeking help, misattributing emotional struggle to weakness, lack of confidence, masculine norms of stoicism and self-reliance, financial and time pressures, worries about confidentiality, and a lack of recognition of dads’ own struggles as needing support.[7]

One dad in a UK study put it this way: “My thought process is like, well, mother [and] baby are the priority…I’m not important. Like it’s not about me. It’s about them.”[8]

Another noted that the emotional temperature in male-only groups impeded his sharing more, observing that “…naturally, the people I feel more drawn to with all of the [moms] cause I’d rather, go and speak to them, but the pool of people that I’m meant to go and speak to are all of the dads.”

If you have experienced any of this, it’s not just you. Let’s take a deeper dive into some of the more impactful struggles that men may face during pregnancy or after the birth of a child.

 

Common concerns

 

“Becoming a father has a long-term positive and protective effect on men’s health…,yet, a significant proportion of fathers experience mental health problems…”[9]

 

POSTPARTUM BLUES

The term postpartum blues or “baby blues” refers to a collection of changes in mood, behaviors, memory, and sleep that can occur in the first 15 days after the birth of a child.[10] This can show up as tearfulness, elation, trouble sleeping, memory impairment, guilt, anxiety, and irritability. These changes are common and not inherently concerning. They are also not considered to be symptoms of anxiety or depression, since their impact is modest and they are time-limited.

While the baby blues are discussed largely as a phenomenon in mothers, one study found that 17% of fathers experienced them.[11] That number jumped to 58% if measured slightly differently. There’s no “treatment” for postpartum blues since it’s not a pathology and it’s generally self-resolving, but time, attention, and a supportive ear are probably top needs for affected fathers.

 

 

MOOD

Depression

 

“I wasn’t expecting to experience postpartum depression.”[12]

 

“I didn’t even know that [fathers could get postnatal depression.]..I just felt like that was kind of how it’s supposed to be. I kind of convinced myself like, oh, this is just how it is. It will get better.”[13]

 

            There is an understanding in the West that birthing people can develop “postpartum” (depression). Fathers can, too. Fathers’ emotional wellbeing is crucial, and all parents can go through mental health struggles. The barriers to dads’ recognizing their mental health struggles may resemble barriers the barriers to their asking for help. Men may also not recognize themselves in mainstream conceptions of depression, leaning more on escape and avoidance in the form of substance use, excessive gaming, affairs, or aggressive behavior.

They may also have more conflicts with others and experience what their distress physically[14]. But they are feeling distressed.

About 10% of fathers will develop depression during pregnancy or within the first year postpartum. Many more fathers experience depression in the three to six months postpartum—a sharp jump to 25%.[15] The stakes are high; untreated depression in fathers is associated with harmful behaviors towards and worse outcomes in their children.[16] Conversely, it’s associated with a decrease in healthy parenting behaviors like showing affection and support and being involved.

 

Symptoms of depression in fathers may include:

 

-low (depressed) mood

-guilt

-irritability

-tearfulness

-loss of interest in things

-difficulty bonding with your baby

-isolating from others

-increased or decreased appetite

-fatigue

-insomnia

-having thoughts of hurting yourself or dying

-distracting or numbing behaviors (gaming, drinking, doom scrolling)

-risk-taking (speeding, gambling, infidelity)

 

Many fathers will have the sadly familiar experience of not recognizing that they’re depressed or finding a dearth of resources if do they look for help. Both instances are vividly described in the essay “When fatherhood doesn’t go to plan,”[17] a must-read for any dad who is feeling down. In it, father Kevin Maguire describes withdrawing from his family, feeling disconnected from his newborn son, and not understanding why. This is not inevitable, and it is not “normal” in the sense that it is an expected part of fatherhood. As we’ve seen, however, it is vastly more common than popularly believed.

It also turns out that when one partner is experiencing depression during pregnancy or in the first year postpartum, the other is affected by it. In hetero couples, moms are affected by their husband’s depression and dads are affected by their wife’s depression.[18] A host of symptoms can appear in the partner of someone with depression in the perinatal period, including anxiety, depression, despair, guilt, fatigue, insomnia, stress, anger, and resentment. The care of a depressed partner is not without costs.

Still, if you are that depressed partner, try taking some of the pressure off of yourself for being “the only one with something wrong.” Remember that, in the words of Jennifer Michael Hecht, “We are indebted to one another and the debt is a kind of faith…We believe each other into being.”[19] You and your partner are together because you love each other; how could they not be affected by changes in your mental heath? It’s okay that you might be struggling. Your reading this means you’re already doing something about it.

 

Bipolar disorder

Research suggests that hypomania — a milder form of manic episode that includes euphoric or irritable mood, notably increased energy, and risky behaviors, lasting four days or more in a row — is more common among men in the postpartum period.[20] If you have a history of bipolar symptoms or identify with any of these, it’s worth chatting with your primary care doctor or a psychiatrist.

 

 

ANXIETY

Anxiety is a feeling of being uneasy, uncomfortable, apprehensive, or afraid.[21] It alerts us to potential danger and motivates us to keep ourselves and those we love safe. During fatherhood, modest increases in anxiety are normal and not a cause for concern.

But fathers are more likely to develop more serious anxiety than non-fathers, beginning in pregnancy.[22] Symptoms can include:

-frequent or constant worry

-rumination

-fear

-irritability

-physical symptoms—nausea, muscle tension, or loss of appetite.

 

Fathers whose children have a chronic illness, had a NICCU stay, or have very low birth weights are more likely to experience anxiety. The same is true for those whose partner has a psychiatric disorder, indicating again that both partners’ mental health deserves attention. And fathers who previously experienced miscarriage or a traumatic childbirth may fear their recurrence in a current pregnancy, thus contributing to worry or unease.[23]

 

Changes in behavior

Fortunately, increases in anxiety during a partner’s pregnancy tend to decrease following the birth.[24] However, when something scares us shitless, we usually try to stay away from it. Early parenthood is an incredibly vulnerable time. In higher-risk periods, it helps to have some guardrails. Some behaviors that deserve attention include:

 

-watching your baby monitor for long stretches of time, or an unreasonable number of times

-avoiding diaper changes

-avoiding bath time

-not trusting yourself to be alone with your baby

-finding excuses to get help with tasks that you could do yourself

-asking your partner, Chat GPT, Gemini for repeated reassurance

-getting lost in your head thinking about things that could go wrong

-being distracted from your family or work because of worry

-finding that small things get under your skin, or you’re lashing out at loved ones

-you’re having thoughts that scare you and you don’t understand

 

Many experience anxiety and depression together. It makes sense; if anxiety shrinks your world, you start losing contact with the things you care about. On the flip side, depression can start to improve when you learn to face the scary things.

One of those things is intrusive thoughts, which are images, words, or urges that enter your mind unexpectedly, are unwelcome, and are upsetting to you. For parents, they often include terrible things happening to their baby. Data suggest that these thoughts are very common. Some parents also experience intrusive thoughts of harm against their baby or a loved one. While upsetting, they are harmless in the sense that they don’t compel people to do bad things. There is no evidence that having harm-related intrusive thoughts makes people a risk to others. It’s just one of the ways our minds can go into overdrive.

Anxious dads may overcorrect for their fears and go too far in trying to protect their kid and control their environment.[25] This feeds their anxiety and puts their kid at risk for higher anxiety and other issues as they develop.

 

OCD

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)[26] is like anxiety 2.0: people with it experience recurrent intrusive thoughts, experience high distress, fear, or shame about those thoughts, and engage various behaviors in a desperate attempt to make things better. Those recurrent thoughts and the worries that follows are called obsessions, and the coping behaviors are compulsions. There isn’t much research on OCD in fathers, but some of the same anxiety-driven behaviors by worrier-dads are probably at play in OCD, making it a serious disorder that needs attention.

 

PTSD

Post-traumatic stress Disorder (PTSD)[27] results from going through (witnessing, experiencing, or learning about) a life-threatening situation. For fathers, this could include an unexpected hospitalization of their partner, an unplanned C-Section, a NICCU (Newborn and Infant Critical Care Unit) stay for their baby, birth complications, their child being diagnosed with a illness, or learning of their child has an illness that will shorten their life.[28] Fathers who are combat veterans carry their own experiences that put them at risk for PTSD and subsequent effects on their child’s development.

 

Fathers with PTSD may:

 

-experience intrusive (unwanted) thoughts about the event

-try to avoid thoughts, memories, feelings, or reminders of the event

-have significant changes in mood (feeling “not like myself,” or others might say they seem unlike themselves)

-have major changes in their beliefs about themselves, other people, or the world (like People can’t be trusted; or The world isn’t safe)

-become more irritable, reactive, or risky in their behavior (drinking more, speeding, having road-rage incidents, using corporal punishment, or acting more recklessly)

 

PTSD in fathers is associated with various challenges for their children, which means that professional assessment for dads who have experienced trauma is key.

 

TIPS

 

Despite the mental health risks in the pregnancy and postpartum periods, we know a lot about what helps preventively and after an issue has taken hold.

 

Throughout this time

1. Take advantage of leave coverage. It’s worth it.
2. Try a brief mindfulness practice (we’re talking five to ten minutes to start)
   1. This may help you change your perspective on the challenges of parenting.[29] The Headspace and Calm apps are two popular ones.
3. Reach out to one person who might get it.
   1. Social isolation is a risk factor for depression.[30] If you want to reach out to someone but don’t know what to say, copy and paste these words into a text: Hey, I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. Do you think I could tell you about it some time?
4. If you’re still not sure, think of one dad who you know and trust enough. Text him.
5. Check in on the basics.
   1. If your sleep, eating, drinking, smoking, screen time, or work hours are raising yellow flags to you or your partner, make one or two small changes to start. Move your bedtime from 3:00 AM to 12:00 AM. Have one less drink for a few nights. Go for one walk a week.
   2. Try to be kind to yourself.
   3. Don’t know how? Try to let go of the harsh self-talk. Say to yourself, This is a huge transition. It’s reasonable to be stressed. I am not the only one going through this.

 

 

During pregnancy

Fathers benefit from having information; it helps us feel more prepared and in control. If you’ve ever had a work problem that was stressing you out until you learned more about it and thought through some options, this is no different. If the information you’re looking for is not offered in medical appointments, we encourage you to take the lead. Instead of asking your partner a question, look it up yourself. Enjoy the accompanying sense of empowerment.

 

1. Buy a book or two on pregnancy and newborn care
   1. Pressed for time? Get the audiobook. Helpful titles include: Cribsheet, The Expectant Father, and the what to expect [31]
   2. Start a conversation with your partner about what you both want and how you want to parent
   3. Take care of yourself.
   4.   If you’re in better shape, your partner benefits. Your needs are not less important than your partner’s or your baby’s.
   5. Foster your connection with your baby
   6. Read to them. Sing to them. Write them a letter.
   7. Learn enough.
   8. Prepare for delivery and newborn care. Let go of trying to prepare for all possible bad scenarios.

 

 

After your baby is born

1. Manage your sleep.
   1. Nap when your baby naps. Remember that getting more sleep is a major buffer against elevated stress, anxiety, and depression.
   2. (Continue to) manage the other basics.
   3. Eat regularly, get outside, check in with your partner, and coordinate breaks
   4. Ask for help.
   5. You can’t do it alone. Talk to your partner, family members, friends, and neighbors. You might be surprised at how happy people are to contribute.
   6. Say “yes” to offers of help.
   7. Manage visitors.
   8. Set boundaries if needed. Not good at this? Now’s your chance to practice.
   9. Ignore or politely decline unhelpful unsolicited advice
   10. “Thanks for considering the baby, but we’re going to manage sleep in the way that works for us.”
   11. Keep an eye on unhelpful behaviors in yourself.
   12. Take note if you’re feeling or acting unlike yourself. If things seem out of hand, consider scheduling a short consultation with a therapist. They’re usually free.
   13. Find a dads meetup.
   14. Follow a newsletter for dads, like The New Fatherhood.[32]
   15. Make an active effort to stay connected with friends
   16. Drop in on a dads support group:
   17. Join a confidential monthly dads call: https://postpartum.net/get-help/chat-with-an-expert/

 

 

You are not alone, and you don’t have to do this alone.

 

 

References

 

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Association Publishing.

 

Baldy, C., Piffault, E., Chopin, M. C., & Wendland, J. (2023). Postpartum blues in fathers: prevalence, associated factors, and impact on father-to-infant bond. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(10), 5899.

 

Bruno, A., Celebre, L., Mento, C., Rizzo, A., Silvestri, M. C., De Stefano, R., … & Muscatello, M. R. A. (2020). When fathers begin to falter: A comprehensive review on paternal perinatal depression. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(4), 1139.

 

Copland, F. S., & Hunter, S. C. (2025). Paternal perinatal mental health support: Fathers’ perspectives on barriers, facilitators, and preferences. Discover Mental Health, 5(1), 39.

 

Doss, B. D., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). The effect of the transition to parenthood on relationship quality: An 8-year prospective study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(3), 601.

 

Fisher, S. D. (2017). Paternal mental health: Why is it relevant? American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 11(3), 200–211.

 

Graham-Felsen, S. (2025, May 25). Where have all my deep male friendships gone? The New York Times Magazine. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/25/magazine/male-friendships.html

 

Hecht, J. M. (2013). Stay: A history of suicide and the philosophies against it. Yale University Press.

 

Maguire, K. (2021, February 23). When fatherhood doesn’t go to plan. The New Fatherhood. https://www.thenewfatherhood.org/p/when-fatherhood-doesnt-go-to-plan

 

Maguire, K. (n.d.). The New Fatherhood. https://www.thenewfatherhood.org/

 

Paulson, J. F., & Bazemore, S. D. (2010). Prenatal and postpartum depression in fathers and its association with maternal depression: A meta-analysis. JAMA, 303(19), 1961–1969.

 

Philpott, L. F., Savage, E., FitzGerald, S., & Leahy-Warren, P. (2019). Anxiety in fathers in the perinatal period: A systematic review. Midwifery, 76, 54–101.

 

Raphael, D. (1975). Matrescence: Becoming a mother.

 

Short, S., Davis, P. E., & Ndzi, E. G. (2023). An exploration of masculinity, social support and depression in new and experienced fathers. Midwifery, 123, 103715.

 

UCLA Health. (2022, September 16). Family dynamics: How relationships change after having a baby. https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/family-dynamics-how-relationships-change-after-having-a-baby

 

What to Expect. (n.d.). What to Expect pregnancy & baby tracker [Mobile app]. https://www.whattoexpect.com/mobile-app/

[1] Confidential source, personal communication, October 23, 2025

[2] Raphael, 1975

[3] Richards, 2022

[4] Doss et al., 2009

[5] Bruno et al., 2020

[6] Graham-Felsen, 2025

[7] Copland & Hunter, 2025

[8] Copland & Hunter, 2025

[9] Philpott et al., 2019

[10] Baldy et al., 2023

[11] Baldy et al., 2023

[12] Confidential source, personal communication, October 23, 2025

[13] Copland & Hunter, 2025

[14] Bruno et al., 2020

[15] Paulson & Bazemore, 2010

[16] Sheehan, 2017

[17] Maguire, 2021

[18] Bruno et al., 2020

[19] Hecht, 2014. Retrieved from https://onbeing.org/programs/jennifer-michael-hecht-we-believe-each-other-into-being-on-being/

[20] Sheehan, 2017

[21] Philpott et al., 2019

[22] Sheehan, 2017

[23] Copland & Hunter, 2025

[24] Philpott et al., 2019

[25] Sheehan, 2017

[26] Gabrielson, 2026

[27] APA, 2022

[28] Sheehan, 2017

[29] Bruno et al., 2020

[30] Short, Davis, & Ndzi, 2023

[31] What to expect, n.d.

[32] Maguire, n.d.

 

 

 

 

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