Many modern daters seem to have the same complaint: water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Possible mates abound—on dating apps, in the databases of professional matchmakers—but none of them appeal.
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For much of American history, most people met their partner through family, friends, church, or—as coed universities and offices became more common—college and work. They got to know each other before becoming romantic. “You hung out with folks, and sometimes the sparks started to grow slowly from that,” the UC Davis psychology professor Paul Eastwick told me. In 1970, for example, about a third of heterosexual couples met through friends, but by 2020, the number was 20 percent. The percentage of people who met through family, school, college, or work also fell during that period.
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