Is the Idea of Personal Strength and Resilience Being Used Against Us?

No matter how resilient a person is, constant criticism, harassment, devaluation, and other abuse will wear you down.

April 14, 2026 by Ann Betz Leave a Comment

Is it a personal issue or a systemic problem?

I recently read a New York Times editorial about Google’s policy of referring employees to mental health counseling when they complained about discrimination and harassment. “I hated the way the company treated me like I was sick,” one former employee is quoted as saying.

Unfortunately, this is all too often a systemic response to someone raising an issue in all sorts of groups, whether it is in a corporate setting, a religious congregation, family or friends, etc. Rather than examining what’s wrong with us, the common response is “what’s wrong with you?“

This is, of course, a handy tactic for those organizations and systems uninterested in change. If the issue can be framed as a lack of personal strength and resilience, then the system does not need to examine itself. In his powerful book, Dying for a Paycheck, Stanford Business professor Jeffrey Pfeffer shares many stories about toxic cultures, including one from a young woman who worked at Amazon. The clear message, she says, is that if you can’t take the punishing pace, you are flawed and not “Amazon material.”

All too often the recipients of this sort of message take it to heart, wondering why they themselves are not stronger and more resilient. They may turn themselves inside out in an attempt to use this as an opportunity to grow. But honestly, the brain and human system can only take so much. No matter how resilient a person is, constant criticism, harassment, devaluation, and other abuse will wear you down.

I also want to point out that toxic cultures don’t spring up out of nowhere. Sometimes the way this is spoken about gives the impression that (as U.S. law denotes) corporations are “people,” with their own wills and goals. Rather, corporations, organizations, and other systems are created and shaped by the toxic people who run them and those who collude and support this (in the vocabulary of narcissism, they are known as “flying monkeys”).

It is well known in organizational development that leaders shape culture. A toxic system doesn’t spring up on its own like a mushroom. People put policies into place. People show how these are enforced. People model behavior, etc. It honestly rubs me the wrong way that cultures are spoken about as if they were an entity in and of themselves and everyone is standing around wringing their hands wondering how things got so bad. One word: people. Remove the toxic people and see what happens. Just saying.

And so, what to do? Well, I am encouraged by what my friend Lindsay Boccardo, a sought after generational expert, is telling me. Apparently, the younger generations aren’t interested in personalizing toxic cultures. They just “nope out of there” and pursue other opportunities, or make their own. As the saying goes, they vote with their feet. And perhaps, if enough of us of all generations do this, the systems and the people who run them will be forced to pay attention. Well, a girl can dream….

Previously Published on But Now I Know Your Name

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