Meet the Doctor I’ve Been Waiting For My Whole Life

Over the last fifty-plus years I have become a leader in the field of Gender-Specific Medicine and Men’s Health. After graduating from U.C. Santa Barbara in 1965, I was awarded a four-year full-tuition fellowship to U.C. San Francisco Medical School, but I transferred out after my first semester. I felt the medical education was elitist and too limited for the kind of care I believed was needed.

Since then, I have earned a master’s degree in social work and a PhD in International Health. I have written 17 books on various aspects of men’s health including international best-sellers Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Male Menopause, and Surviving Male Menopause: A Guide for Women and Men.

As a man in my eighties, I have continued to struggle to find the kind of medical doctor that could really help me, my family, and the millions of other men and their families who struggle in a health-care system that is increasingly dysfunctional…until I met Dr. Rena Malik.

Dr. Malik is a board-certified urologist, pelvic surgeon, and internationally recognized expert in sexual health. Her YouTube channel, with more than 3 million subscribers and 550 million views, makes her one of the most trusted voices online for men seeking real answers about performance, testosterone, intimacy, and much more.

I recently had the good fortune to interview Dr. Malik and discuss her new book, The Hard Truth: Everything Men Need to Know for Good Health, Great Sex, and Long Life.

I ask all my guests to share their “origin story” about how they first became interested in their field of expertise. Dr. Malik told me that becoming a world-famous urologist who works with men was an unlikely career choice.

“Especially, since I grew up in a conservative Indian household where one of the mantras drilled into my head was ‘don’t talk to boys,’” she told me.

Dr. Malik went on to say, “Fifteen years ago I would have had no business talking about sex. I was a medical student and only had one serious relationship, where I never even climaxed because I didn’t yet know what I liked or didn’t like. I was too embarrassed to tell my partner something was not pleasurable for me because, well, I felt lucky enough that someone even liked me.”

When I say that this is the doctor I’ve meet waiting my whole life to meet, I mean I have longed to have a connection with a doctor who is an expert in her field, not afraid to talk about sensitive issues about sex, love, and intimacy, and can do it as a vulnerable human being who has gone through her own challenges in life.

I have also been waiting for doctor who recognizes that men’s and women’s health issues are forever connected. When a man’s health is compromised, it impacts the health and wellbeing of the woman and vice versa. Having a clinician who is skilled at treating men and women is a great gift for all.

I wanted to hear more from Dr. Malik about how she chose to become a urologist who treats women and men.

“In medical school, I thought I wanted to be a cardiologist,” Dr. Malik told me. “Never did I think that I would do a surgical specialty and become a urologist who examines genitalia for living. But I loved surgery, working with my hands, and being able to fix a problem immediately.”

I began to understand how she became an expert in the field, but I was curious about her social media expertise.

“After being in practice for some time, I had to face the reality that it was impractical to expect that we would have the time to teach patients everything about their condition, and it was impossible for them to understand everything in a quick 30-minute visit before surgery.”

I think we’ve all had the experience of seeing a doctor, feeling anxious and concerned, but very aware that the doctor is busy and has only a limited time to explain what is going on with us and what we need to know to take care of ourselves over the long run. Dr. Malik’s solution tapped into our modern technologies in a very creative way.

“So, I set out to find a better way to educate patients and I stumbled onto YouTube. I started making videos to educate about common urologic conditions and realized how desperate people were for sexual health education.”

I have watched several of her videos and they are definitely educational and helpful. But I will be honest, I didn’t grow up with YouTube and social media. I like holding an actual book in my hands where I can make notes in the margin and put stars next to the things I want to remember and check out again.

So having the book to read feels like an added gift of delight. Reading the book, I was particularly attracted to the depth and breadth of her knowledge.

“I designed this book so it’s easy to read and refer back to,” says Dr. Malik. “While this book talks about men’s health, it’s not only for men. Women are often the default caregivers — we take care of our sons, male partners, and dads.”

A Few Highlights from The Hard Truth: Everything Men Need to Know for Good Health, Great Sex, and Loving Life

• Map Your Purpose

Too much of healthcare today is about “sick care” and focuses on this disease or that disease without looking at the whole person and what we want in life. Dr. Malik asks us to spend ten minutes examining the follow five areas of our lives: (1) For myself, (2) for my family, (3) for my health, (4) for my career, and (5) for my sex life. For each she asks: “What do we want for our future and why is this important?”

Dr. Malik begins by being vulnerable and addressing the first area personally:

“For myself, I want to be strong and healthy. To remain connected both emotionally and physically with my partner. Why is this important?  To be able to take care of myself as I age and have the energy and strength to babysit my grandchildren. Intimacy and connection are important for longevity.”

• Sexual healthspan (lifespan for sex)

Throughout our lives sex is important, but as we age information supporting a healthy sex life is often neglected. As a man well past midlife, I was particularly interested in this topic.

“Picture your life a year from now, a decade from now, or maybe when you are in your seventies or eighties,” says Dr. Malik. “How do you want to live? Do you imagine yourself vibrant, still sexually active, still healthy and fulfilled? Nobody can guarantee that you’ll get there, but the guidance in this book makes it a lot more likely. Who would way no to that? I see hands going up in my own family and in the families of most every man and woman I know.”

• Squirting

One of the questions I’ve often been asked over the years, and wondered about myself, has to do with women’s sexual pleasure and the truth about squirting. Dr. Malik offers clear, scientifically sound, and helpful information.

“Squirting,” says Dr. Malik, “is the emission of a clear, colorless fluid from sexual arousal.”  She goes on to say, “before I explain what happens physiologically, it’s important to realize squirting is not required to know your partner is having a good time, and it doesn’t mean you are the ultimate lover when you’ve induced her to squirt.”

I could go on and on with highlights, but you should definitely buy her book. You may also want to buy another copy for someone you love.

To learn more about Dr. Malik’s work and her book, The Hard Truth, please visit her website, https://renamalikmd.com/

To watch the YouTube video of my interview with Dr. Malik you can do so here.

To read more articles about the mental, emotional, and relational health of men and their families, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter.

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