Stop Trying So Hard to Sleep

It’s 3:00 AM. You’re checking your phone for the tenth time tonight to confirm that the minutes are crawling by. This night will never end, and you will never sleep again.

Insomnia is painful. When it lasts for weeks, it’s exhausting. Over months, it breeds despair. After years, it consumes your life. With enough time, some people start thinking that disappearing might be better than continuing to exist like this—as a living ghost who thinks obsessively about sleep during the day and lies in bed, wide awake, at night.

It’s not just you. An estimated 30-40% of Americans experience short-term insomnia each year, and 20% will experience chronic insomnia. It may feel like you’re broken and everyone else is normal. In reality, this is a common issue, and it’s highly treatable.

Until people get the right help, however, desperately tired insomnia sufferers will do anything to knock out. Unfortunately, many of these strategies backfire and keep you stuck in this cycle.

Here’s what studies and my experience treating insomnia can teach us about what helps:

• You need to re-learn that your bed is a place for rest; if you’ve been awake for more than about 15 minutes, get out of bed and go into another room. Keep the lights low. Read, stretch, meditate, listen to music, write, or count backwards from 1000 until you feel sleepy. Then head back to bed, whether it’s been 30 minutes or three hours. Do this for at least a week.

• You’re starting to freak out that you’ll never sleep again. You’re blaming yourself. Do me a solid and let that go. Instead, try: “I’m having the thought that I’m never going to sleep again, but I’m trying something new. I don’t know for sure what will happen tonight.”

• Try to accept that you are awake at 3:00 AM. Try to accept that you feel frustrated and worried about the next day. But don’t spin your wheels ruminating about it. Worry fuels anxiety, which makes us alert, which keeps us awake.

• Stop trying to make yourself sleep. Adding pressure to go to sleep only increases your frustration when you can’t. We sleep in response to biological, psychological, and environmental conditions that are conducive to rest. Very few things can put us directly to sleep. Let go of sleep efforts.

Try a few of these tips for a few nights. Then try for a few more.

Still can’t sleep? Specialized insomnia therapy works. Find a provider trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I).

This article is for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care.

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Our health coverage emphasizes prevention, mental health, emotional well-being, and holistic wellness. We address stigma around men seeking help and highlight stories that encourage vulnerability, healing, and sustainable self-care—not quick fixes or macho myths.

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