I have been a highly sensitive man all my life, but never knew that it was “a thing,” until I read Dr. Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, which was first published in 1996. In the book she asked:
- Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams?
- Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water?
- Are you noted for your empathy?
- Your conscientiousness?
- Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you?
- If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
I remember feeling a chill of delight when I first read those words. She nailed me! Finally, I thought, someone who understands what life is like for me and who can help me accept and appreciate who I am.
For more than fifty years I have worked in the emerging field of Gender-Specific Healing and Men’s Health and have written seventeen books on various aspects of men’s mental, emotional, and relational health. In 2022 I heard about a film that was being made called “Sensitive Men Rising,” by filmmaker Will Harper.
I was totally excited and wanted to know when the film would be available. He explained that there was still much to be done, money to raise, music to license, etc. “It will be a while,” he told me. As we exchanged emails and he learned more about my own work, he asked if he could interview me for the film. I felt honored and immediately accepted.
The film is now available here, with this note from Will:
I am a Sensory Processing Sensitive Man.
I Made This Film Out Of A Need.
I Made This Film For Men.
I Made It For Boys.
I Made It For All.
Will Harper-The Sensitive Director
December 31, 2024
In June 2024 I wrote an article about the film for my weekly newsletter and shared more about the people I had met since learning about the film. The article titled “Sensitive Men Rising: Why the World Needs Us Now More Than Ever,” can be read here.
In the article I said,
“A new documentary film, Sensitive Men Rising (SMR), is turning its lens to the billion men who have largely been hidden in the shadows. Thanks to the breakthrough that we now know as ‘sensory processing sensitivity’ (SPS) — popularly known as ‘high sensitivity’— we know men can play a pivotal role in changing the face and times of masculinity as a force for good in the world.”
I quoted Dr. Aron, who said,
“As some of you know, I have a special place in my heart for highly sensitive men. I really do like them. That is part of why I want to see this movie made about them. But what makes them different from other HSPs or other men?”
Just as her research findings demonstrated that “high sensitivity” is a biologically-based trait present not only in human beings but other species as well, she recognizes that “male sensitivity” also has biological roots.
“First, Highly Sensitive Males (HSMs) develop under the influence of male genes, the main factor being testosterone. Gender spectrum aside, almost all HSMs (and men in general) are clearly biologically male.”
Dr. Aron goes on to say that these issues are complex and we will learn more over time, yet there are things that we can say now.
“Of course, male and female behavior is such that many men do some things women normally do and vice versa, but hormones have to make HSMs and HSWs different in some ways. How do hormones interact with sensitivity? We do not know yet, but they surely do, and we need to learn about it. Maybe that’s phase two of the research.”
Dr. Aron also recognizes the importance of understanding evolutionary realities as we seek to work with this important, biologically, based trait.
“Looking back at the evolution of male behavior we know sensitivity works enough to be present in 20 or even 30% of the population and in equal numbers in men and women. That means HSMs have been successful at reproducing themselves, but how?”
She goes on to say,
“When you know that you are highly sensitive, it reframes your life. Knowing that you have this trait will enable you to make better decisions.
Early in my life, I always felt my sensitivity made me different from most of my male peers. Now, as a father of five, grandfather of seventeen, and great grandfather of four, I realize I’m part of a select group of males who have a larger calling in life.
Based on her own research and that of others, she suggests that we look to the unique ways in which men are engaged with their children.
“We know human males evolved into a strategy found in some birds and in some other mammals, which is staying around after mating to help raise their own young. This method of seeing their DNA go on to the next generation contrasts sharply with simply mating as often as possible with as many females as possible and not staying around after.”
If we weren’t highly sensitive before we had children, being an involved father will definitely bring out the best in us.
“Bottom line,” says Dr. Aron, “Highly Sensitive Men Have S.T.Y.L.E.”
Dr. Aron gives us a simple acronym to summarize how this unique trait of High Sensitivity manifests itself in men.
- S for strategic, or depth of processing in action, since males must act and keep an eye on other males, especially those who are more aggressive.
- T for testosterone — you cannot explain an HSM by thinking he is more “feminine.”
- Y for wise yielding — to live to fight (better) another day and in another way, and yielding as in “high yield” investments. (Yielding can be misperceived as weakness, but it isn’t at all — as when in the martial arts, especially judo [or Aikido, a martial art I have practiced over the years], you use the other’s attack to defeat them almost effortlessly while preserving your own mental and physical energy.)
- L for leadership — either among people or becoming leaders in their fields, in the arts, science, business, athletics, or any field they endeavor, using their unique STYLE.
- E for empathy, which can be used in close relationships and leadership, but also in knowing, for strategic purposes, what others are up to, sometimes even before they know.
The High Sensation Seeking, Highly Sensitive Person
In the same way I felt a hidden part of my essence as a person was revealed when I first read Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person, I deepened my sense of self when I read Tracy M. Cooper’s book, Thrill: The Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person.
“Sensation seeking is a personality trait comprising four main aspects,” says Dr. Cooper.
- Thrill and adventure seeking.
- Experience and novelty seeking.
- Disinhibition.
- Boredom susceptibility.
The more I learned, the more I realized, Yes, that’s me, too!
Dr. Cooper told me that high sensation seeking, highly sensitive people (HSS/HSP) are often left out in understanding the gifts and challenges we face.
“Since we are up to half the HSP population, it is vital that we be included,” he told me.
You can learn more about Dr. Cooper’s work here.
Welcome to the Sensitive Man, the Site for Highly Sensitive Males
William Allen is another “highly sensitive man,” friend, and colleague. He is also the author of the book, On Being a Sensitive Man: Success Strategies for Harnessing Your Highly Sensitive Nature. Dr. Tracy Cooper wrote the Foreword for the book and Dr. Elaine Aron said,
“William Allen is a major voice for highly sensitive men, tirelessly advocating for the need to redefine masculinity in a way that includes the huge contributions highly sensitive men make to the world.”
His website offers articles, classes, podcasts, men’s groups, and a community of open-hearted and like-minded seekers of truth.
You can learn more about William Allen here:
Sensitive Men Rising: The Peaceful Warriors We Need in the World Today
A few of the real-life Highly Sensitive Men I have admired in my life include:
- The Dalai Lama
- Mahatma Gandhi
- Martin Luther King Jr.
- Abraham Lincoln
- Psychologists Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, and Psychiatrist John Bowlby.
These are all highly sensitive men who also have had to stand up against oppression with the strength of peaceful warriors. A man who also fits that description is meditation master Chögyam Trungpa. In my book, The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men, Healing the Planet, I quote Trungpa who says,
“Warriorship does not refer to making war on others. Aggression is the source of our problems, not the solution. Here the word ‘warrior’ is taken from the Tibetan, pawo, which literally means ‘one who is brave.’ Warriorship in this context is the tradition of human bravery, or the tradition of fearlessness. Warriorship is not being afraid of who you are.”
Where Do We Go From Here?
We are at a time in human history where Highly Sensitive Men are needed now more than ever. Mark Jamison, Head of Global Clients, VISA, Inc., one of the experts featured in the film Sensitive Men Rising, says,
“The world is falling apart, political divisiveness is pulling us under, the environment is being destroyed. We need a different model. When people see options that bring hope and sensitivity and a much more integrative approach to problem solving, I see them embracing it with their arms wide open.”
At the end of the film, Dr. Elaine Aron concludes,
“Most of the world’s suffering is due to a certain kind of masculinity. A different kind can change that. Sensitive men are rising. It’s a whole new ball game.”
Let me know how this resonates with you. I always like to hear from readers. You can visit me at www.MenAlive.com.
Disclaimer: This story is auto-aggregated by a computer program and has not been created or edited by healthlydays.
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