It is not a child’s responsibility to fill a parent’s needs. When parents bring a child into this world, it is the parents’ responsibility to fill the child up with its basic narcissistic needs. To give the child a foundation of self-love to build upon. The child needs to feel that the parent is there for them and not the other way around.
You should have been giving their blessing to go out in the world and find out who you are, where you belong, and who you were born to be. That’s not the message we received. The message we received was, don’t leave me, you’re responsible for my feelings, my happiness, please keep a shiny, glossy, perfect façade for the world to see so that I don’t feel my shame.
When your basic narcissistic needs weren’t met in infancy, your worth and value would be determined by how you feel others perceive you. Self-parenting yourself how you needed to be parented will tap the source of your self-worth.
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Joe Ryan has been on a lifelong journey of overcoming trauma, shame, and the demons that plague him from his childhood. He has turned his mission outward, helping other people to conquer their traumatic pasts. Through his podcast ‘It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma’ and one on one coaching.
Joe is paving the way for people to heal. He is baring his soul publicly to extend a hand to people who might feel stuck or frozen in their healing journeys. There are coaches out there who strive to do the same, but what sets Joe apart is that his voice embodies such compassion and warmth; when you hear it, it permits you to feel whatever you need to feel to progress on your emotional journey.
Father of two…
I take pictures, write, and obsess.
You can find me bouncing around New York City or by a lakeside fire. I was on a Pearl Jam kick, now starting my day with The Revivalists
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Previously Published on joeryan.com
Real, genuine, vulnerable, and honest talk. There are no quick fixes from trauma, abuse, addiction, PSTD, or anxiety. Knowing what happened to you is only part of the process, we have to relive the feelings, emotions, and scenes we avoid. When we stop blaming, making excuses and take responsibility for our own emotions, that’s the start of moving from victim to surviving, from surviving to survivor and finally to thriving and teaching.
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