Mindful and Heart-full Man

I met Henry through a mutual friend a few years back and was impressed with his devotion to family; he is the grandfather of two who are his pride and joy. His face lights up when he talks about them. Yoga is part of his life practice that assists him in maintaining his sense of balance. He maintains a youthful appearance even as he is a man well seasoned by life. Likely his thriver’s attitude. Our conversations about ‘life, the universe and everything’ are lively and I always learn something to incorporate into my own life.

Can you offer a bit about your background so that the readers can get to know the man in the mirror?

I became involved with psychology primarily through summer jobs during college. I worked at a state hospital for intellectually and physically disabled adults. Throughout college I worked at a residential treatment center for adolescents. This sparked my interest in the field. I enjoyed helping others.

How did you choose therapy as a career?

I went for my master’s degree in counseling and then went for my doctoral degree in a program that was bi-disciplinary focusing on public policy and psychology. I began working in mental health outpatient clinics. For 12 years I worked as a psychologist in a correctional facility for older juvenile offenders. Then my career spent years working as a school psychologist. Currently I have a small part-time private practice. It is through this practice that I have focused on individuals who have suffered from childhood abuses including sexual abuse. I also see college students.

As therapists, we bring who we are to the sessions as well. What aspects of yourself shows up for your clients?

My practice is very Cognitive Behavioral oriented and includes acceptance and commitment therapy. Because of this it is very important for me to be present and attentive to the needs of my clients. I try to bring a healing energy to the sessions including having a very healing office environment. I am very conscious of the need for safety for both myself and my clients. I believe in the spiritual aspect of psychological healing and bring this to the discussion.

Since therapists experience vicarious traumatization, what do you do to push the reset button and provide good self-care?

I didn’t always practice self-care, and this is more of a recent development for me. I have access to a peer support group that includes other therapists. I see my doctors for my own medical and emotional needs. I take time to rest and relax. I practice yoga twice a week and meditate each evening.

Are these strategies you suggest for your clients?

Yes, I do encourage my clients to have an active self-care practice. For some people this can be cooking or rollerblading or swimming, it doesn’t always have to be meditative. I also frequently ask my clients about their daily living habits including maintaining their medical care. Setting boundaries is important.

I know that you will be offering a support group for men who have experienced sexual abuse. Can you share what participants may expect?

I started the male sex abuse survivor group 3 years ago. The Pennsylvania Clergy Abuse report had just been published. When I read it, I realized I knew 10 of the priests personally in the report. I wanted to do something to be helpful to the survivors and so I reached out to other therapists so that they could refer clients to my free men’s group. The group is intended to be an addition to their own treatment. It is very rare that men report sexual abuse. Approximately one in six men is abused in relationships. There are many cultural factors that make it difficult for men to seek treatment for sexual abuse. They often feel less than or that they should have done more to prevent the abuse. They often were silenced by family members or authority figures. There is a tremendous amount of shame, anger, and guilt to work through with male sex abuse survivors.

For the guys in my group, they have the opportunity to discuss how their lives are affected by the early abuses that they experienced. They get to do this in a safe environment that is non-judgmental and highly supportive in a group of men who understand exactly where they are coming from. The abuse affects that their lives in multiple ways. Some men have had numerous failed relationships, difficulty raising their own children, significant problems with intimacy, problems with substance-abuse, serious anxiety and depression including hospitalizations. Like many abuse survivors they have also had significant medical problems and health care needs. This has been a very healing experience for all of the members of the group. I am not a Clergy Abuse survivor, but I understand full well what my clients have experienced. I want to add also that the abuse is not only Catholic, or clergy related, it can be familial or institutional as well.

The group is very much a mindful practice even though we delve into past experiences we stay focused on current life experiences and decision making today. The men are very supportive of each other and that is quite healing.