My first tattoo adorns my forearm—and this page. I never really liked the idea of art being on my body, but now I love it. Now age 62, I have experienced three health crises. Two I’ve beat, and I have one yet to go. My tattoo was my idea to pay homage to my body, which has endured things that have happened to it and things I have done to it.
When I started drinking at 16, my abusive father didn’t help me or hide the bottle. Instead, he drove me to it. I quickly became a high-functioning alcoholic. I like to say, “I started stopping drinking the day after I started drinking.” That’s the hard part. The easy part was the last drink. I had to finish and throw the final bottle away on my terms. Only then could I say it was over. I had my last drink on 2/14/18. I had left alcohol forever. Quitting cold turkey was my Happy Valentines Day gift to those who love me, need me, or both.
Diagnosed with Prostate Cancer (PC) in 2018, I had a radical prostatectomy in December of that year. Before that surgery, I had never spent a night in a hospital. I only had been in the hospital to visit someone else. I hadn’t been to a doctor in over 15 years. Why? I was afraid I would find out I had cancer. I had come from a family where Mom, Dad, and my sister all had cancer. My sister died from it in 2009 at 52. With my wife’s encouragement, I kept my appointment and learned I had cancer. Recovering from prostate cancer surgery, a prostatectomy, I am one follow-up visit from remission. Come February, I’ll be five years cancer-free.
I also suffer from a rare form of an autoimmune disease called Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis or PPMS. Only 15% of people who have MS have this type. My posse comprises the one in 200 MS Warriors who get the extra poison of progression. There are only 150,000 of us worldwide without a cure in sight. For me, and others like me, the best the medical industry can do is stop or slow its progression. It means I will always have a drop foot in my left leg and wear a brace (AFO). I just started looking for my first wheelchair. It is how the future will see me as I move around.
***
My inspiration is a well-known California graffiti artist whose chosen name is TemptOne. Tempt, for short, has ALS and is permanently disabled. I read his story in the book Not Impossible by Mick Ebeling. In short, the Not Impossible Labs gave birth to Eyewriter technology, allowing him to paint with his eyes. It works. This story inspires me, so Tempt is the name for my tattoo.
click to enlarge photo
The chemical symbol for alcohol is (-OH). In my tattoo, the sign dangles off the neck of the blue ribbon like one of Frankensteins’ electrodes. Prostate cancer is represented by the blue part of the ribbon. The blue ribbon is a familiar image for people sick with terrible illnesses. I qualify. Still recovering from the prostatectomy, I am just one follow-up visit from remission. I’ll be five years cancer-free next February.
The skull with the red scrambled eggs-like brain is from the Grateful Dead. They created the mindfuck analogy. To me, MS is the perfect mindfuck. It never turns off or gets cured. It’s like you’re running your ass off but will never get closer to second place. The other side of the ribbon is orange for multiple sclerosis, my new opponent.
That covers three significant events in my life. I beat alcoholism and cancer. Next on my list is multiple sclerosis.
***
I have no special skills and am of only reasonable intelligence. I went to an okay college and did well enough. Despite my alcohol addiction, I somehow managed to run a big business as part of State Street Bank. I held C-suite jobs at other companies as well. In my career, I worked my ass off and became successful despite myself. I was determined to be, so I was. I am retired and have been since 2017. It has been okay, but I have been sick a lot. I do miss working. Now, I am an expert in navigating the medical community, trying to find answers to esoteric questions my body is asking.
The message here is I am doing it. Tempt is also. This is evidence that whatever your challenges are, you have a chance if you try hard and want to win. I am now fighting the parasitic abnormalities in my brain and spine. I work out six days a week at The Fort in Oceanport, NJ. A great facility filled with even better people. I will do it until my last day. In many ways, it’s the only thing I know how to do.
—
Related by CJ Farber:
Nothing Matters Anymore? It’s about determination.
***
Support The Good Men Project on Patreon to help us build a better, more inclusive world for all.
***
Tattoo photo courtesy of the author.
Featured image: Online Marketing on Unsplash
The post Come, Let Me Show You My Tattoo appeared first on The Good Men Project.
