This week my family and I participated in something wonderful.
And emotional.
We lost my brother Jason to suicide on August 12th, 2021. He was 43 years old, and he could light up a room with his humor and love.
I have been trying to write about this event for days, but there are some days that I can’t string words together in a way that makes even a bit of sense when it comes to this subject.
You Matter Day was created by the family of a young man named Joshua Tyler Papenheim, who died by suicide on February 10th, 2016.
He was only twenty years old.
His death by suicide inspired his younger sister, Sarah, to pursue her education in psychology. She wanted to help people, to help prevent other families from feeling the pain that hers had to suffer.
You can find their Facebook page here: You Matter. | Facebook
Their About page shares this information:
The purpose of this page is to help prevent suicide and support mental health through acts of kindness and gentle care of ourselves and each other.
You never know when an act of kindness or words of kindness may save a life.
If you feel like you don’t matter, please tell SOMEONE!
You are not alone.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking about this with someone you know, please call 1–800–273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center, or text MHA to 741741 at the Crisis Text Line.
We believe in:
-Reminding people that they need to be aware when they may have intentionally or unintentionally devalued or hurt someone they should DO SOMETHING to fix it. Words matter.
-Teaching our children not to bully.
-Teaching our children that bullies are damaged people who also need help.
-Sharing stories of hope, of loss, of grief, of struggles and of survival.
-Sharing suicide prevention ideas.
-Sharing news about the latest mental health treatment research.
-Holding each other accountable for showing kindness and respect.
I am so sad for Josh’s family, as well as any family who has felt this pain. It is not something I would wish on anyone.
Suicide is brutal.
Being left in a world that has been turned on its head by the brutal fact that your person not only died, but at their own hand, is confusing and painful in a way that you can’t really describe.
I think the only people who can possibly understand completely are the ones who have felt it themselves.
But as with everything, we can try to understand, even the things that are hard for us to grasp.
If you haven’t been touched (at least closely) by suicide, I am very happy for you.
But suicide prevention and awareness should still matter to you.
You Matter Day being held on the 10th of February, the day Josh left this world, makes perfect sense.
Participating is as simple as taking the time to tell people that they matter.
It can be people closely entwined in your life.
It can be strangers.
It can be the guy who makes your coffee just right every morning.
Everyone matters, and we can always find a way to express it.
It doesn’t have to be complicated, or even verbalized.
A note passed to someone can have a long-lasting effect, and it can even be passed on to someone else as well.
Take the steps, in whatever way you can.
Make a difference.
And light a candle.
Shine a light to help people find a way out of the darkness that those considering suicide often feel lost in.
Our family and the close friends of my brother and his fiancée gathered at his grave on Friday night.
We all lit a candle.
He mattered.
I wish he could have found his way out of the darkness.
You matter.
You are not alone.
Suicide is not the answer.
Be here tomorrow.
Peace and love, y’all. 
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Nikola Johnny Mirkovic on Unsplash
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