The judgment that we had felt, the pressure and the demands to become what somebody else needed us to be so that they didn’t feel anything uncomfortable, they didn’t feel judgment any ridicule any self-doubt. Becoming what they needed us to be so that they felt adored and loved. We ended putting those same demands on ourselves, we take that narcissistic power that we’ve experienced, and we point that power against ourselves. We are still trying to become what they wanted us to be; that was the only way we were lovable. Anything short of that perfection others were seeking, and we feel like we have failed ourselves. Enter self-hate and self-doubt.
There are tapes of negativity, judgment, and shame that we have adopted that run in our subconscious on an endless look telling us that we are not good enough and not worthy of love and acceptance for who we are. These tapes become our identity, and most of us don’t even know that they are there. We see ourselves through the words, sights, beliefs, and feelings or another; we believe that it is our vision of ourselves when it’s the narcissist within us
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Joe Ryan has been on a lifelong journey of overcoming trauma, shame, and the demons that plague him from his childhood. He has turned his mission outward, helping other people to conquer their traumatic pasts. Through his podcast ‘It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma’ and one on one coaching.
Joe is paving the way for people to heal. He is baring his soul publicly to extend a hand to people who might feel stuck or frozen in their healing journeys. There are coaches out there who strive to do the same, but what sets Joe apart is that his voice embodies such compassion and warmth; when you hear it, it permits you to feel whatever you need to feel to progress on your emotional journey.
Father of two…
I take pictures, write, and obsess.
You can find me bouncing around New York City or by a lakeside fire. I was on a Pearl Jam kick, now starting my day with The Revivalists
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Previously Published on It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma Podcast
Real, genuine, vulnerable, and honest talk. There are no quick fixes from trauma, abuse, addiction, PSTD, or anxiety. Knowing what happened to you is only part of the process, we have to relive the feelings, emotions, and scenes we avoid. When we stop blaming, making excuses and take responsibility for our own emotions, that’s the start of moving from victim to surviving, from surviving to survivor and finally to thriving and teaching.
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