I remember the day the world lost color.
Depression didn’t take hold of me suddenly. It was a gradual decline with doom, hopelessness, and a crushing weight on my body that made movement feel like I was walking through quicksand.
But the most horrifying day was when I opened my eyes, and everything was grey.
The cliche that our external world reflects our inner finally made sense.
My journey was long and full of trial and error. Nevertheless, I recovered from this nightmare. I’ve distilled my successful recovery from depression into seven rules. I hope they save you time and bring color back to your world.
. . .
1. You need help — and that’s ok.
This should be a no-brainer. Depression is a medical condition, and there’s no shame in needing help from a doctor.
Yes, there are things you can do to help yourself, and if you have milder depression, you may find real benefits in lifting weights, eating protein, and everything else the “Twitter bros” tell you.
But if you have Major Depressive Disorder, me telling you to lift weights is like advising you to get therapy from a unicorn.
The gym must wait when getting out of bed is a Herculean feat.
Your doctor will take a brief medical history and ask questions to gauge your feelings. They will then discuss two options with you.
Option 1 is therapy. There are many types available, and recovery is not a quick fix. I’ve met many awful therapists, but others have had positive experiences, so don’t be alarmed if you don’t “click” with the first one you try.
It can help to talk to someone who is not emotionally attached to you, is trained to listen, and allows you to explore your feelings.
Option 2 is medication. Just the mention of it instills fear in people.
There’s a stigma attached to taking medication for mental health problems. Everyone has an opinion on it.
All over the internet are horror stories of people being turned into zombies and people telling you how weak you are for supporting “Big Pharma.”
Well, how about this… Medication saved my life. I wouldn’t be here without it. Finding the proper medication was a long and arduous process, but when I did, the color came flooding back, and I began to enjoy life again.
The pain, the wish to be dead, and the nightmare thoughts that plagued every waking moment all went away.
Medication brought me to a base level where I could do things to help myself.
I have to take it forever, but I get no side effects, and it has no adverse impact on my life.
The catch is what works for one person doesn’t work for everyone. You may need a different medication than me. Talk to a doctor or psychiatrist, and don’t listen to idiots on the internet.
. . .
2. Find your angel.
One person you trust can make all the difference in the world.
I have been lucky enough to have two — my mum and my partner.
My mum arranged and took me to all my medical appointments.
For years she argued with people at all levels of authority to get me the right help. We were stumped at every turn, but she never stopped fighting.
Even at my worst, I felt better after a conversation with my mum.
I also have my partner. She was just as supportive and didn’t have to put up with any of it.
At my worst, when I had psychotic symptoms and was raging about nonsense, she stuck around and helped me.
How many people would tolerate that for years on end?
So find your support network and talk to them as much as you feel comfortable.
Getting your pain and negative thoughts out of your head can be the difference between life and death.
. . .
3. Take baby steps.
Now is the time to think about exercise and doing practical things.
What wasn’t possible before you had a treatment plan is now your best bet at recovery.
Start exercising. It doesn’t have to be something as intimidating as the gym. Just a walk will do.
Or do some press-ups in the comfort of your home.
Do whatever you’re comfortable with, and don’t beat yourself up about taking it slow.
Start thinking of other things you enjoy too. Perhaps your concentration is better now, and you enjoy reading.
Spending time in nature is great for your mental state. Take a hot bath if you feel like it.
Sleep and eat well and avoid alcohol at all costs.
My depression was a symptom of PTSD, which I have had for much longer. I used to self-medicate my pain with alcohol. On my days off, I would get drunk out of my mind and collapse in alleyways or club toilets.
I never got mugged or assaulted, but I couldn’t have done anything about it if I had.
I had no concern about my welfare. I just wanted to deaden the pain.
And it worked — until I sobered up, and it felt ten times worse.
Depression stopped me from going out and getting drunk, which is one of the only positive things to come from it.
. . .
4. The Glass Isn’t Half Full or Half Empty. It’s Broken.
Part of the horror of depression is the belief that you’re worthless.
Forget thinking about whether the glass is half empty or half full. Depression smashes the glass and cuts your throat with the shards.
But as you recover with the steps above, you can start challenging your negative thoughts.
- Is it true that you are 100% worthless?
- Are you honestly no good at anything?
- Is it true that no one loves or likes you, and you can do nothing about it?
- Are you powerless?
I promise you are good at something, and I want you to sit there until you come up with it. Then tomorrow, come up with more.
Don’t rush this process. You’re still emerging from the cruel delusion that you’re the worst person ever. Take it steady.
I used to think I was unlovable, and anyone that proclaimed to love me was mistaken about the real me.
The real me was spineless, ugly, evil, and pathetic. I felt suicidal because my “loved ones” would eventually understand what a disgusting person I was and see I did them a favor.
. . .
5. The Pyramid Of Success.
At first, your goal could be to take a shower. To others, that may sound pathetic, but I know it’ll take all your willpower and energy.
Setting “small” goals can give you a sense of achievement. All you have to do is finish each day 1% better than when you started.
Accomplishment can boost your mood. It becomes a cycle that lifts you out of depression.
Draw a pyramid. At the bottom, put the most specific challenges you could accomplish now and over the next few days and weeks.
Work up the pyramid to the big things you want to achieve at the top.
Approaching your goals this way will give you momentum and a series of wins before you ever get to the rough stuff at the top. And by the time you get there, it’s only one more step, and you’ll have done so much already.
My goals were:
- Get out of bed
- Shower every day
- Read one page of a book each day
- Do some form of exercise each day
- Go out for lunch once a week
As you can see, my goals got more challenging as I grew stronger.
. . .
6. How To Stop the Black Dog Permanently.
After I recovered from depression, I woke up every day terrified that it would return.
I checked my body for signs. Did I feel heavy? Was the world in color?
I felt like I was running from the black dog and didn’t know if I could outpace it.
I realized I needed to face the issues that contributed to my depression.
While I remain unable to face the causes of my PTSD, my depression was caused by my being medically retired from my job as a police officer and having no purpose or hope.
Therefore, the way to prevent a recurrence of depression was to find a purpose. This led me to write.
Writing allows me to organize my thoughts, connect with others, help people, and learn a craft that can never be perfected.
Every day I get excited to continue putting my message out into the world.
I now feel like I’m not just outrunning the black dog but lapping it.
So what’s your purpose? And what underlies your Depression?
. . .
You changed yourself; now change the world.
People with depression can say they have been to hell and lived to talk about it.
As you improve — and you will improve if you follow these rules — it becomes tempting to blot these dark days from your memory. You want to look to the future and ignore the pain of the past.
But you’ll never forget, and nor should you because you survived one of the worst experiences possible.
Coming back from hell gives you a duty to help someone else make the return journey. Pass on your new good life to others. Show them how you did it.
Survival should create a ripple effect. Changing yourself helps to change the world.
Through you, we can all see better days.
—
This post was previously published on Invisible Illness.
***
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The post 6 Simple Rules for Surviving the Agony of Depression appeared first on The Good Men Project.
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