4 Things that Saved Me from Committing Suicide

Truly, a whole new struggle comes up when depression symptoms take over to the maximum. suddenly, your survival instincts rise up to keep you safe and maybe, hide the sharp objects in a far more unreachable place.

That’s right! Depression is the underlying evil of all suicide attempts. it’s not cuddling on a couch on a cold evening in front of some lit candles. In reality, depression can be more dangerous than you think and especially if you’re new to it, you must learn how to deal with its craziness so life can find a little bit of meaning to be lingered on…

First of all, let me tell you that magical sentence that you wish someone would bother to tell you, I know it’s not easy at all! when there’s a physical disease, we’re fighting an actual cause that can be monitored while depression (or any cause of your condition) is like an internal war within you. a skilled therapist knows where to find the first hit that started the war but that takes time, and your safety can be as fragile as a wine glass on the edge of the counter, that’s why you need to protect yourself along the way.

I know you must be feeling exhausted. The mental obstacles must’ve worn you out. you have no energy left to deal with anything, yet someone is here asking you to work harder on yourself! Sounds unfair but if I tell you that I’m as depressed as you are dealing with a lot of suffocating symptoms daily, maybe my suggestions can be worth reading and perhaps giving a try.

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Personally, I find it terrifying when my symptoms get intense. I’m generally scared of death and can’t even take funerals simply because there’s a dead body around. This makes my struggle with depression even worse because I want to get rid of my suicidal thoughts, but I’m scared to go through them.

Luckily, there’s a small part of me that lingers on life and reminds me of all I’ve been working hard for. And if they don’t turn into my regrets, they will somehow soothe me down for a while.

However, that’s not working all the time and as the suicidal triggers get more and more, I have to actually keep everything under control in a more creative way.

Here are the 4 vital things I do to keep my suicidal conditions under control:

1. I Am My Own Best Friend, Not My Enemy!

Sometimes, even medications and therapy can’t make us fight for life as we do by our own intentions. we need to contribute to our recovery by at least saving ourselves. Life can be meaningless in many ways and it’s not always our fault if we’ve arrived at this level of emptiness but whether we like it or not, anything that we do to harm ourselves is turning ourselves into our worst enemy.

This is the stage you need to focus on first. you have to befriend yourself and remind yourself that regardless of what you did/went through, you’re loved and valuable. you may need a lot of mindfulness practices to understand that certain ongoing failures or struggles don’t mean you’re cursed. They’re just unresolved issues that for whatever reason, took over your life for a longer period of life.

You need to emotionally detach yourself from those issues. Start from forgiving yourself for all you feel it’s your fault and makes you give up life or deserve to die.

Imagine you’re working on a project where you can’t fix the problem. If you focus too much on the problem you won’t find a way out but if you focus on the solution, you’ll achieve it without a doubt.

Inside a depressed mind, the focus is directed on the issues and problems. a suicidal person is often a character that suffers from multiple failures caused by these issues. as soon as the focus is redirected to how to make a difference, better things start to happen and the brain starts to feed on those better things as “the new reality” and eventually, announce a better mental state.

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2. I Am the Most Honest Person with Myself!

No matter how many people you have to open up to, you’ve got to be honest with yourself. at this delicate stage, one suppressed feeling can worsen everything.

Keep in mind that in most of life, you’ve been your one and only true friend. you were the one who put a plaster on your cuts. You were the one who wiped your tears. you were the one who heard your cries and pain. If only you know how much you mean to yourself, you’d open up way better than this.

And that’s what I do when I feel suicidal, I just sit down and talk to myself. I let everything out, I swear, I cry loud, I may throw punches into the wall, but I never stop. I don’t hold onto anything that may poison me. If I can get to a resolution, I will. If not, I won’t burden myself. I express my pain till I feel heard enough by myself. that usually gives me insight into what to do, because once you hear things, you come up with better solutions for the problem. If not, it will at least let me know what is upsetting me the most and this is very important because:

A disease known is half cured.

Thomas Fuller

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3. I Allow Myself to Go Crazy, To Prevent a Bigger Craziness!

Once you’re feeling suicidal, let yourself do things you’re usually guilty about. I suggest you avoid alcohol, cigarette, and addictive substances because once your moody period is over, the habit remains with you and also, you don’t want to reward your bad state of mind. Because even in the most unconscious mode, your brain is perceiving good and bad deeds by how they make you feel. So if you let your suicidal times “feel good”, you will struggle with them a little bit longer.

What you can do is, allow your discomfort to soothe down with anything that calms you down without putting your life at risk. For example, I don’t recommend doing sports, because you may damage yourself as you’re in the same “self-harm or suicidal” mindset.

Find out what makes you really distracted, something you haven’t done for a while, and do it. Let it be as crazy as it is because the point here is to replace a crazier thought with a less crazy one to save yourself. So if you have to leave the house immediately at 1 am and go for a walk in the dark, do it. If you have to burst your eardrums by loud rock music, that’s okay. If you want to swallow a large pizza while crying, no problem! do as you wish!

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4. I Know That Loneliness Is the Source of All Evil!

Most suicide attempts were done when the person was alone. That’s because the defense mechanism of mental disease puts us in a situation where we surely can’t survive the damage.

If you feel suicidal frequently, you might as well start living with someone who cares for you and knows your situation well. If you can’t handle living with anyone — which is common — try sharing your place with a pet. I’ve had a pet in the past and a lot of times I didn’t attempt suicide because I was worried about them.

I’m not saying it works all the time, but it helps a lot. However, a real friend who stays with you is much more helpful because they at least watch over you. If you’re really concerned about your safety, you may want to share your suicidal triggers so they can tell without questioning you.

But if none of that works for you and you want to live alone, then at least be kind enough to yourself to let a few closer friends know about your conditions. Let them check on you often. even if it’s so hard, let them visit you often or keep you busy. You will think they pity you or worry too much, but allow that to be there. You’re not in a normal situation and they’re doing right. It’s better to feel pitied than grieved!

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Suicide is nothing but an attempt to end all our suffering. When you reach a stage where you can justify killing yourself, it is hard to bring back the meaning of life but it’s never impossible.

When we’re gone — naturally or not — birds sing the same song. The same sun rises every day, and the world will move on, our loved ones will move on, and life becomes normal very soon. There’s only one thing that is not there and it’s our share in life.

We will no longer have a part in life, we will no longer be able to contribute and if you ask my opinion, skipping life doesn’t mean the end of our sufferings.

Our souls will be forever present and continue the untreated traumas, for eternity.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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